Am i selfish and wrong for not buying Christmas gifts for my nieces and nephews?
I have 9 nieces and nephews ranging in age from 1 to 17 and i have never bought them gifts for Christmas or any other holiday.
I don’t have kids, so it never seemed fair that i buy 9 extra gifts, and get nothing in return (since i have no kids).
I plan to buy them nice graduation gifts when they graduate from High School, but that’s it.
Does this mean i am a selfish worthless cheapskate, or is this rational and logical of me? And does my family hate me?
October 31st, 2010 at 9:08 pm
I think this is normal. Who has the extra money?
Maybe you could consider a family gift. For example, when I was younger my Aunt would buy a family friendly video game. It was something my brother and sisters could all enjoy.
If that’s not an option, get them a card or something. Who knows what to buy a teenager anyway? They’d probably end up hating it.
October 31st, 2010 at 9:45 pm
With this recession period and all, you’re actually sounding perfectly reasonable to me! If everybody would think like you and restrain themselves from things like ridiculous Xmas consuming we wouldn’t be in this crisis to begin with.
You’re just thinking clearly dude.
October 31st, 2010 at 9:55 pm
Gifts are not mandatory in any situation, so it’s always to your discretion. I’m sure you didn’t mean anything bad by “I don’t get anything from them” , but if interpreted wrong, it implies that you expect reciprocation. You certainly received gifts when you were young, even from childless couples, which you weren’t able to reciprocate until years later.
You should at least send out Christmas cards and if you like, perhaps small token gifts to the children. When they get older, these children can make wonderful friends.
These little gifts can be just cool things, like a neat baseball card for a baseball fan, or a pretty, yet inexpensive necklace for a niece. They’ll love anything from their favorite uncle 🙂
October 31st, 2010 at 10:26 pm
ummm no maybe you could bake them some cookies for a gift but people christmas isn’t all about the gifts and anyone parent who would get mad over you not giving their child a gift needs to start teaching their kids that it’s not all about what’s wrapped in some pretty paper.
your not cheap your smart. why buy something and waste money if they dont NEED it. wants are great but they are young.l
if your family hates you is something i can not answer nor can anyone else but your family or those who hang with your family!
i have a large family too. i don’t buy for people. only instant family. so my mom dad my mother in law and father in law and their other parts .. my fiance’s sisters and brothers, and maybe a few for my close friends but that’s it.
October 31st, 2010 at 11:26 pm
I always give the children a little money tucked in a card….not much…sometimes only $10…but I make a point of sending each of the children something at every holiday and their birthdays.
My aunts and uncles did it for us….even though some of them never saw us very much..
What you get in return is the knowledge that you have done something that will endear you to some children and, some day, they may even care that you are an old man…totally alone…sick…and would give anything to have a little company now and then. Since you have no children of your own, someday your nieces and nephews may very well be your only living relatives..and, very possibly, the only people on earth who care whether you live or die…
November 1st, 2010 at 12:06 am
Only if you feel like sharing the love. They can live with either decision you make.
November 1st, 2010 at 1:02 am
Whether you are “a selfish, worthless cheapskate” is something only your immediate friends and family can determine.
How do you feel about yourself?
I wouldn’t be able to afford 9 gifts for 9 relatives.
If you are selfless with your time and generous in other ways, the monetary and gift /Christmas thing isn’t a concern or any indication of your generosity.
I think it’s quite logical and reasonable to think of the kids futures.
The thing about ” nothing in return” ’cause you haven’t any children , wouldn’t be a reason not to buy stuff in my view.
That’s not the reason we give, as I’m sure you know.
I think the future gift idea is practical and pragmatic if you can’t afford the yearly Christmas gifts as Christmas is for kids.
Why not do an Easter thing if you can afford it?
Have fun. Cheers.
November 1st, 2010 at 1:46 am
No. Their parents are supposed to give them gifts. Gifts from grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. is optional.
November 1st, 2010 at 2:31 am
I think you are rational and logical. Maybe bake cookies for them. I too have no children but have 7 nieces and nephews. My sister’s b-day is also on christmas and my brother in law’s b-day is a few days before christmas. My husband’s parents are divorced and remarried so that’s 2 additional people. It’s just getting ridiculous and I am just getting cheaper. I just want to cut out buying presents for anyone in my family and just give out homemade cookies. Let’s hope I have the guts to do it this year.
Your family loves you no matter what. If they have any ill feelings towards you about this then you should give them a stocking full of poo or coal if you want to be nice.
November 1st, 2010 at 2:42 am
Well, even if you have no kids, you can still get into the spirit of things and give and expect nothing in return. And then good karma will come to you and without you thinking about it you may end up with an abundance of gifts sooner or later.
November 1st, 2010 at 3:29 am
People don’t have to give or receive gifts.
That said, gifts aren’t about what you can get. Gifts are given without strings attached. You should not expect something in return for a real gift. Otherwise it’s a trade or a bribe.
Consider your resources. Have you tried budgeting? Set aside 1 dollar a week for gifts. At the end of a year, you’ve got money for gifts. Gifts don’t have to be expensive. Gifts are an expression of affection and can take any form.
Write a song or poem just for them. Paint a picture. Buy a coloring book. Consider matchbox cars. Take them fishing or to a movie.
It’s about expressing affection. Be creative. Don’t expect anything in return.
November 1st, 2010 at 3:55 am
I am sure your family doesn’t hate you. Nine gifts is a lot. I have fifteen nieces and nephews and don’t buy anything for them for holidays. But so far, I have given them each a large cash gift upon graduation. It hasn’t affected my relationship with them or anyone else in the family.
November 1st, 2010 at 4:50 am
well i think that you DONT necessarily have to buy them something maybe 5 dollars for each one would be good. I dont think there is a reason why your family should hate you.
November 1st, 2010 at 5:25 am
It really depends on the traditions in your family. Are uncles and aunts expected to give gifts to all the kids? My family expects that all aunts and uncles give gifts to all kids under the age of 18. My husband’s family, on the other hand, has no similar expectation. If your family does expect you to give them all gifts, find a inexpensive way to do it – $10 apiece, or give a movie or game to each family of kids.
November 1st, 2010 at 6:03 am
I think it just depends on the family. My parents both came from large families so I never received Christmas gifts from my aunts and uncles – it would’ve been ridiculous to expect they all buy for each other’s kids. Some smaller families do though. I think it’s also very common for extended families to do gift exchanges where you draw a name from a hat and just buy for one person.
I love getting gifts for people, even if it’s something small and inexpensive, so I probably would get them a little something if I could swing it financially. Even so, I don’t think you are in the wrong for not wanting to. Christmas should be more focused on spending time with your family. 🙂
November 1st, 2010 at 6:29 am
yes…you are selfish and i hope they never visit you when you are old
November 1st, 2010 at 7:14 am
I say buy something for them anyway if you can afford it. Lots of other posters had nice cheap but thoughtful ideas. If you spend $10 on each child, that is only $90. Get gift cards to Wal-Mart or Toys R Us or something for them. By the way, if you had kids (especially a 1 year old), do you really think that you’d be getting any gifts anyway?
I don’t have children. I have 2 nieces. If I can afford to get them gifts, they are getting gifts. If my other sibling has children, they are getting gifts too.
As for your family hating you… if it were my family… and they knew I had the money to buy gifts that year… they wouldn’t hate me, but they would be very disappointed. By the way, I’m surprised no one is actually buying you any gifts. Even the adults get at least something for Christmas in my family. That is kind of rude on their part.
Maybe you can suggest a secret santa game so everyone gets at least something from someone else for Christmas.
November 1st, 2010 at 7:46 am
do your brother/sisters buy you birthday gifts? then if they do you should buy something for their children. have a budget and stick to it. Graduation gifts are to be from parents not other relatives.
With large families sometimes a gift for the whole family is good e.g a book of movie tickets so everyone can go, or something that all the family will use if there are a lot of children a slide for the backyard or cubby house /swing set/trampoline, cricket sets, footballs hula hoops for the girls are great just depends on your budget.
November 1st, 2010 at 8:31 am
No it is not selfish to not buying gifts for nieces and nephews. You have 9 so that would be a lot of money.
My thinking is you should at least buy a card for their birthday, and maybe a card for the family at christmas.
My aunty has the right idea, she gets a card and then puts a couple of $1 instant scratch cards in it. You get the joy of scratching the cards then if you win something it is a great treat.
You need to find some sort of balance because it seems like it is upsetting you, you could always just discreetly call your brothers/sisters talk to them about it.
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